What's your why?

Can you believe we’re already past the halfway mark of the year?

When I look back at January, it feels like another lifetime. It barely feels like this year. Of course it happened. But how do we make sense of that?

I think the invitation is the same one, over and over. Who are you today?

Really, that’s it. Whatever is still lingering from the past is showing up in the present. And even when we’re excited about something in the future, like a grandbaby on the way, a new relationship, or a trip, it all feels like it’s happening right here.

So bring those feelings into now. What does that excitement feel like in your body today? That’s what shapes which possibilities actually show up.

01Who Else Would You Trust?

Right now, in this moment, who would you rather trust than you?

Trusting yourself doesn’t mean everyone will be rainbows and unicorns. We know that’s not true. But when you trust yourself, you can trust what people show you about who they are. You stop handing your identity over to how the world reflects you.

That’s leadership. That’s authority, and it’s also authorship. You’re writing the next chapter of your life. Honestly, you’re writing the next sentence.

And that sentence can go anywhere. You can be the most enlightened version of yourself one moment and slip into judgment or doubt the next. That’s fine. The heroes we love in stories were never perfect the whole way through. We love them because we got to watch them become who they were.

02What’s Running the Show?

Underneath all of it, something is running the narrative. What’s driving your next thought, your next step, your next reaction?

So here’s the question I want you to sit with. What’s your why?

Why are you here? Why are you choosing the experiences you’re having, the relationships you’re in, and the way you react to things?

And if the question makes you anxious because you don’t know your big life purpose, that’s okay. Start smaller. Why am I anxious right now?

Pause and remind your body that you’re safe in this moment. Is there anywhere you absolutely have to be right now? Usually not.

Then keep asking. Why does not having the answer make me anxious? Maybe because I’ve spent my whole life believing I had to have the answer, or I’d let someone down.

Then ask one more question. Would you intentionally let yourself down today?

Of course not.

03The One Who Knows Their Why

There’s a line I’ve carried with me for years. I’ve always said it as “the one who knows their why can overcome any how.” It traces back to Nietzsche.

When you know your why, you get guided into territory you’ve never been in, even when the how isn’t clear. Synchronicities show up. Things line up in ways you couldn’t have planned.

I believe that’s because the divine wants to give you everything that comes from the essence of your why. What gets in the way is our fear, doubt, judgment, and skepticism. They make the field wobble.

04Understanding Their Why

We can also get curious about other people’s why.

Why is your partner suddenly so angry with you? Why are your kids pushing you away? Why did that driver cut you off and flip you off?

Look underneath, and the answers are usually simple. Someone doesn’t feel understood. Someone needs space and doesn’t know how to ask for it. Someone’s afraid something will be taken from them. The driver may have been rushing, or distracted, or taught that the only way to get anything is to push.

Even when two peoples go to war, underneath it you often find the same whys. People want their families to be safe. They want to be loved, and they want the freedom to follow what they believe their God asks of them. Yes, separation gets taught and handed down. But the root is usually some version of love and fear.

And why would someone fall in love with you? Because with you, they feel seen and safe and alive.

We don’t need to analyze everything. But when we slow down enough to understand what’s driving someone, we move out of judgment and into real relationship. I think a lot of the separation in the world would heal if we did that more.

There’s a prayer I keep coming back to. It’s traditionally credited to St. Francis of Assisi, and if you’re inspired, sit with it every day for a week.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

05The Layer Above Love

At the foundation of every why, I believe there’s love. Being loved, giving love, being love in every form.

But just above that is the gift of this human experience.

It’s like the divine dropped us off at the mall, walked us into the candy store, and said, “Here you go. Have at it.”

What are you going to choose? Maybe you’ll eat too much of one thing and get sick. Great, you learned something, now go choose again. Maybe you’ll share with others, or keep it all for yourself. Probably some of both.

06You Were Designed to Be Selfish

In our beautiful ego, no matter what we say, we’re doing all of this for ourselves. That’s how it’s meant to be.

Everything you give and everything you receive is also for you. Of course it’s for others too.

“But I’m not selfish. I give and give and give.” Sure you do. And somewhere inside you, even the thought that your love was received lights something up. You’re experiencing the benefit of giving.

A lot of us were taught that we have to save someone or fix something before we’re allowed to have anything for ourselves. That’s still you acting out your why.

So let’s stop shaming each other for being selfish. We’re built to live through “I.” I feel this, I want that, I saw this.

Let’s not deny who we are, or deny other people their selfishness either. What we can do is hold a standard of dignity and love and compassion while we’re at it.

So be savagely selfish about discovering your why. Have fun with it. When you amplify your why in your own field, you can hold it out for others.

07When Fear Is Really Love

Here’s a simple one. When someone you love is hurt and you go straight into panic, ask yourself why.

The answer is almost always that you love them.

That’s all. Knowing that brings you back into your authority. Instead of spinning, you can think, “I love them so much, and I’m going to show up for them right now.”

Even reaching out and asking someone to pray with you is an act of love. You’re saying you know love can calm and heal in ways you can’t fully understand.

And the person praying can only hold a steady field if they aren’t wobbling too. That’s why large group meditations for peace work best when people hold the peace as already possible. If everyone arrives panicking about how broken the world is, that doesn’t steady anything.

08Your Why Keeps Changing

Your deepest why stays the same, but the smaller whys keep shifting.

Relationships you used to want just don’t work for you anymore. That’s not because something is wrong with you. You’ve learned to love yourself in ways you didn’t know you could, and you love others in a way that’s more grown up than the way you used to love them.

Some of us expected our kids to finally be our tribe. My God, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Yes, and.

09Switch Up Your Bubble

I once read about research suggesting that really traveling had a bigger effect on people’s lives than years of therapy. I mean getting out and immersing yourself somewhere new, not staying in the hotel.

When you change your environment, the bubble bursts. You find out there’s more to you than what “normal” told you.

Normal was built on safety. If you were crossing the plains in a covered wagon, everybody had to stick together or something might kill you. It made sense back then.

But we’re living in a time of reconnection. We’re seeing other cultures and other ways of living every day. We’re moving back toward unity.

10When the Ordinary Is the Miracle

I’ve spent fourteen years going beyond the ordinary. But what happens when the ordinary turns out to be what we’ve been looking for the whole time?

This moment. This breath. Us sharing these ideas right now.

We’re living on a planet held together by a thread. If the Earth wobbled a little more, or spun a little faster, we’d be gone. People have lived with that fragility for millennia, and still, something deep in us trusts that it’ll hold.

That’s the awe. And maybe that’s our why.

11Endings, and the Rest That Follows

Every ending leads to a new beginning.

When something ends, especially something big, allow yourself to rest. There’s exhaustion at the end of a long cycle, and we don’t need to rush into the next thing. The overflow was never gone. We’re just about to experience it differently.

Imagine letting go of a partner you loved for thirty years. The depth of that grief shows how open you were and how blessed you were to receive that love.

So be in it instead of trying to explain it. Our minds are incredible, but there are some things we’re not meant to figure out. If we could figure it all out, why would we come to the circus?

12Find What’s Right About It

So here’s how I’ll leave you. Have fun.

I don’t mean making heavy things light. I mean bringing some inspiration into what feels heavy.

When pain or confusion comes up, say, “Okay. I’ve been through some version of this before, and I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.” Then ask a different question.

What’s right about this?

I got anxious. What’s right about that coming up right now?

Try it. It changes what you notice.