Who do you belong to?

A question came to me in meditation recently, and I haven’t been able to put it down.

Who do you belong to?

Take a second with it before you answer. The first answer usually skims the surface. I belong to God. Okay. Do I belong to my children? Well, yes and no. My partner? My parents? Society? Each of those lands somewhere, but none of them went deep enough to touch my heart. And for me, once something sparks my heart, I know there’s truth in it.

So stay with it longer than feels comfortable. We’ll come back to it.

01Faith Requires Doubt

Would creativity even exist if everything were already the way we want it?

I think polarity is what makes creation possible. Even the tiniest gap between us and the divine is a problem waiting to be met with your creative input. The things that feel out of alignment in your life are part of what’s guiding you home. Without the contrast, we’d never know how generous all of this really is.

That includes doubt. We talk about trust and knowing and faith, but faith needs doubt to exist. Not knowing is a creative act. The moment we get absolute about anything, creativity stops in its tracks, because there’s always another layer to what we think we know.

02What Kills Curiosity

Herd mentality is one. When you just follow what everyone else is doing, your own expression gets smaller.

Numbing out is another. So is getting frozen in doubt, and apathy, where we just go along and accept things as they are.

The good news about being human is we can only stay frozen for so long. Eventually the discomfort of our comfort gets so loud that we take a step because we just can’t stand it anymore.

It helps to ask yourself a few honest questions. Is this stillness serving a season I’m in, or have I just grown a callus from carrying something too long? Where have I stopped speaking my truth? Where have I stopped laughing and dancing? When did I last really taste my food, or hold someone’s hand and cherish it?

03Relief Is Only the Doorway

I don’t talk much about what we’re here to do, because I believe this is an individual journey first. Our primary relationship is with the divine, and our first job is to receive the gifts meant specifically for us.

But I’m being strongly guided to remind you of something. What awakens in you serves others. It serves the people closest to you, and it serves the world.

We’ve made our healing small. We get to the threshold where the suffering stops and we think, if I can just feel a little more peaceful, a little less alone, I’ll be okay. And that little bit can feel like the riches of Babylon, because the pain was so unbearable.

That’s only the doorway. You’re made for much more than relief. You’re made to follow your curiosity and your creative power closer to a light that once seemed like it would burn you to pieces.

You don’t have to master anything first. Walk forward with your innocence, and know that your love has the authority to create.

04God Doesn’t Fit in the Temple

I was watching a show recently with a scene I haven’t forgotten. A disciple stands in front of the religious leaders and tells them they’ve made the temple more important than God. They’d tried to contain God inside those walls.

God can’t be contained in anything. Neither can love. So when any structure tells you it holds the direct line to the divine, that’s where your love and your intelligence get to question it. That goes for religious structures and financial ones, and for the family and school systems we grew up in too.

And here’s the paradox. When someone reaches mastery, the next stage is letting it all go and admitting they know nothing. They still carry their wisdom and their standards. They just stay curious. They go deep, gather what’s there, and come back up to share it. When you’re that full of light, you can’t help but share it.

That’s why people who channel from a pure place often look more energized afterward. The light moving through them feeds them too.

05You’re Already a Channel

“But I can’t channel,” I hear. “What would my family think? My coworkers? My neighbor?”

Watch a child. They share their love and their curiosity without editing. They’ll tell you honestly when they’re frustrated or angry or overjoyed, and they’ll tell you exactly what they like and don’t like. That’s what a pure channel looks like.

Light and love can come through the full range of human emotions. The blacks and grays and dark browns on the canvas are as beautiful as the rainbow colors. Every single thought is precious.

When judgment or shame shows up, go back to the root. How is love trying to express itself through me, even in this thing I’d call dark? Shift your perspective by even one degree and your energy starts carving a new riverbed.

06Know What Belongs to You

We’re trained to chase quick hits of stimulation. So be careful about taking on someone else’s charge just because they’re charged up.

I don’t need to go deep into a podcaster’s latest opinion, or whatever a politician said today, or a sports analyst breaking down a fumble for the tenth time. Most of those are rabbit holes with no exit. So why do I keep choosing to go back in and get triggered? I can honor their expression and know they’re on their own journey with the divine, just like I am. It still isn’t mine to carry.

Deciding what belongs to you is an act of self-love. And the more you live in that self-love, the more present and wise you get, and the higher the standard you can hold for how you love others and God.

07You Have to Suck at It First

Think about learning to dance. At the start you’ve got two left feet and you’re stepping on your partner’s toes. A few months later you’re moving in ways you didn’t know you could. The same goes for the gym, or the first block you run while gasping for air.

You don’t become a great dancer unless you were a bad one first. The polarity is the gift.

If someone told you there was $10 million waiting after ten months of mining, you’d pick up the shovel. Nobody has shown you the riches on the other side of your discomfort, so it’s easy to decide it’s too hard and the other shoe will drop anyway.

The journey of becoming is the treasure. Just begin.

08Going Below the Surface

Years ago I went to Bimini for a retreat. People call it Atlantis, a portal. When I got there, what I mostly saw was poverty and trash and broken-down buildings. Beautiful water, but I wasn’t impressed. I could feel something in the land that I couldn’t reach.

On the fifth day we took a boat out to the Road of Atlantis, those huge stone slabs under the water that nobody can explain. It was pouring rain. The boat was rocking, and down below about thirty people were starting to turn green.

My guides told me to go upstairs and stand by the captain. I usually get seasick, so that made no sense. But I went up into the rain and heard: close your eyes, bend your knees a little, and connect to the ocean floor.

The moment I did, the nausea was gone. I was swaying with the waves without holding onto anything. I felt a crystalline energy below the surface, and I realized this was what I’d been sensing all week and couldn’t access. I stood in the pelting rain in complete bliss.

Two days later, on my 49th birthday, I sat on the dock at sunrise and had the conversation with God that changed my life. I’ve written about that morning before. I gave everything back, even my daughters, and then something flipped and I said, “I’m ready for more.” And God said, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

When I walked back to the condo afterward, still sobbing, people in the courtyard started singing Happy Birthday to me. I cried on the puddle jumper and on the flight home too.

So who do I belong to? I belong to that. And there’s always more beyond it.

09What’s Beyond the Peace?

We want peace in the world. Beautiful. What’s beyond the peace?

We want to end suffering. What’s on the other side of that?

We want freedom. Freedom for what? If nothing’s holding you back, what are you going to do?

That’s usually where we stop, because we think we don’t know. You do.

And if your answer to “who do you belong to” came out as a concept, like the universe or infinity, go one layer deeper. A concept is hard to have an intimate relationship with. Ask what you can actually feel in your heart. Then try a second question. Who or what are you devoted to?

10Everything Else Is Borrowed

Markets will go up and down. Health declines. The people we love will die, and so will we. The house won’t stand forever. We won’t take the money with us.

All of it is impermanent. Who you belong to isn’t.

Are there going to be bumps along the way? Abso-freakin’-lutely. But when God is with you, nothing can be against you.

So take a breath and notice where the divine is surrounding you right now. The light in your room. The chair you’re sitting in. Then do something with it. Laugh. Hold someone who needs holding, and ask to be held when it’s your turn. Forgive someone. Let yourself be forgiven, even if you don’t think they’re capable of it.

None of it is mine. Thank you. I give it all back.

And I’m ready for more.